I didn’t intend on writing a blog post today to give myself a break because I figured I didn’t have anything worthwhile to write about. Then I remembered my advice for anyone thinking about starting a blog: just write, don’t worry about being boring, that’s up to your audience to decide. The most important thing is that you have something written down on the page.
I’m still not used to the shaved head, every time I walk past a mirror I have to double take because it’s such a drastic change. This was just like when I first dyed my hair.
Over the last few weeks, I’ve been told by a few people that God gives us exactly what he thinks we can handle. I personally believe that God gives us MORE than what we can handle because otherwise we would believe we can do it all ourselves without relying on him.
I was doing my daily devotional yesterday morning and came across this bible verse. “Very truly I tell you, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing.” John 5:19
On our drive to Target on Friday night, Joanna was talking about one of her friends who is an atheist and chooses not to believe in God and instead believes in chance. I think he might be following along on my blog but I want to say that given what’s happened to me in the last few weeks, my faith has never been stronger.
For example, on June 15th my dad was fighting to get me an appointment with Dr. Costello at the Mayo clinic. He sent 3 emails to the doctor and his staff, made calls, and asked for referrals. Everything lead to a dead end. He stopped and prayed to God “I’ve done all that I can, I give it to you to handle the rest.”
About an hour later, I got a call from Dr. Rabenau saying that she emailed Dr. Costello and was able to schedule my appointment for Tuesday June 19th.
On the drive to the Mayo clinic, I got really sick. I had a fever of 100.4 and was gasping for air. This lead them to admit me immediately and schedule my chemo to start the next day instead of 6 days later which was when it was originally scheduled.
I mentioned in an earlier blog post that my dad reviewed my discharge papers and I was at risk for cardiac arrest at any moment.
My tumor started shrinking within 3 days and my heavy cough and other symptoms were disappearing. You can ask Sumana, Jason, Sandy, or Chris who came to Mayo to visit how big of a difference I looked and sounded just after those few days of chemo.
In just this example spread over 5 days, it’s difficult to imagine there isn’t a loving God orchestrating all of this. I think it takes more faith to believe this was all by chance. Especially with so many people praying for me and my family.
I can’t force anyone to change what they believe, your believe system is exactly that, yours. However I can’t have this blog without talking about how I feel like I’ve been given a second chance at life and while I’m only at the beginning of this road with 3 weeks in, it’s clear to me that I’m walking it with Christ right there next to me.
Yesterday afternoon started getting a little rough for me. I bit my cheek by accident on Thursday while I was taking a nap and now it really hurts. When you’re undergoing chemo, your cell creation grinds to a stop and mouth sores are common. I’ve been trying to chew slower to avoid any accidental lip bites but this one was unavoidable. I have a cancer booklet that recommends mixing 1 cup warm water, 1/8 tsp salt, and 1/4 tsp baking soda to make a mouth rinse to be used 3-4 times daily. Unfortunately later in the evening, the pain traveled down to the muscle under my jaw and I had to start icing it.
Also not to give too much information but I had hemorrhoids flare up so bad that I grabbed my painkillers because I couldn’t walk (I am NOT posting pictures of this)
At 9pm I started getting another fever at 100.6. I took tylenol to bring it down but by 11:30 it was still above 100. All of us had our stuff packed to head to Mayo to get me checked in but all of a sudden my temp dropped to 98.6.
At this point it truly feels like Groundhog Day where I’m constantly fighting these fevers. The plan is to go to urgent care on Sunday morning because my mouth or my butt could be a source of infection which I cannot risk because it could snowball into more complicated things. Seriously people, appreciate the small things like your immune system!
So far I’ve gotten some really lovely cards from people. I decided to make a card wall similar to my travel picture wall I have at home. I have a few cards at my house that I need to add to the collage but there’s plenty more white space if people are interested in sending a card.
Collecting cards with Jack Russell Terriers is actually a hobby of mine. Joanna will always be on the lookout for one and give it to me as a small random gift. Also, the love language that I hear is words of affirmation and the one that I speak is acts of service. It makes sense that I like getting cards from people.
