I don’t even know how to separate the days of the week anymore besides chemo days and non chemo days.

Saturday and Sunday this week were really tough. The Neulasta side effects kicked in where I woke up on Saturday morning where I was literally unable to move. My ribs were really sensitive to the touch. I had a headache but not a normal one, the pain I felt was from my skull feeling swollen. My pelvis hurt when I sat up and my femur on both my legs just felt sore.

Not only this but the nausea was hitting me really hard at night as well. So around 9:30pm it would come up and I would roll around in bed until 4:30am when I’d finally fall asleep. Throughout the day, I’d get light lingering feelings of nausea but not enough to make me throw up.

It was frustrating having the combination of pain, nausea, and fatigue because I felt like I had narcolepsy where I would just come in and out of consciousness over the weekend. There was really no energy to do much. I’m annoyed at myself that I haven’t made any progress on my own projects because of my lack of energy.

I only clocked about 800 steps on Saturday because I couldn’t do anything but basically lay in bed or on the floor because of the bone pain. I actually had to warn the nurses when I was in the hospital that when I feel uncomfortable, I feel better when I lay on the floor. Yes, even the floor of the hospital.It’s a bad habit but whatever.

I had Tramadol which is a mild pain killer available for use and they made Oxycotin available as well but I just didn’t feel like it was bad enough to rely on them so I just dealt with it.

Over those two days, I really got stuck to my phone and I got really sick of Instagram, Youtube, Facebook, Snapchat, and Reddit. Just seeing everyone else going out and about their days enjoying themselves having fun was maddening even though I know social media only highlights the best of people’s lives. It got old.

I rummaged through some of the gifts that people have sent me and was able to put my phone away for a little bit and put these cute Lego Marty McFly and Doc Brown figurines together. Thanks Nick for the distraction!

I need to do a better job of reading or being productive, it’s just hard when you have a finite amount of energy to use throughout the day. I can’t imagine what it would be like if I needed to be working while I was sick.

Dad challenged me to look into changing our diets while going through treatment. I’m really annoyed at my mom right now because I’ve been issued diet restrictions through the form of nagging. Here are the things I can’t eat:

  • Seafood and shellfish have too much mercury
  • Dim sum is too greasy and everything contains seafood anyway
  • No raw vegetables, could have bacteria and cause infection
  • Beef has too many growth hormones so no milk either
  • Sugar feeds cancer cells so no fruit juice or candy (I don’t have a sweet tooth so no candy is fine)
  • Only organic and antibiotic free chicken can be eaten
  • No processed meat – beef jerky, cold cuts, or cured fancy stuff like prosciutto
  • No canned vegetables because it contains too many chemicals like BPA
  • Sushi is obviously off the table too

Basically, I’m stuck to eating the stupid bone marrow soup and water every day…I’m at the point where I’m desperate enough to order a Jimmy John’s sandwich and have them deliver it across the street and watch them from the window with binoculars then intercept the delivery guy when he gets there.

#12 Turkey, provolone, and avocado spread with bacon, extra mayo, tomatoes, and cucumbers, add onions, oil and vinegar, and oregano.

Seriously all I do is think about food because I enjoy it so much.

My latest craving was eating pasta, I did a bit of brainstorming and wrote up a grocery list. Dad agreed to taking me to the grocery store on Monday morning when they were the least busy. I was feeling REALLY nauseous when we got there and just walking from the car to the door tired me out. “Thankfully” I look enough like a sick person to justify riding around in the electric wheelchairs so I didn’t have to worry about people’s judgy eyes on me.

I bought stuff to cook for my whole family. The activity of going to the store and making my own food again felt good enough though I was really weak physically to do things at my normal pace.

I bought ingredients to make a homemade tomato sauce with ground turkey and spaghetti.

I usually eyeball everything but here’s what I got:

  • Carrots
  • Mushrooms
  • 1 Green bell pepper
  • 2 onions
  • 2 cans 28oz crushed tomatoes
  • 2 lbs ground turkey
  • Fresh basil
  • 1 can tomato paste
  • 2 lb box of dry spaghetti

I chopped all the veggies then sauteed them. To the ground turkey, I added dried basil, oregano, thyme, garlic powder, salt, and pepper, then sauteed it until brown. Added all the veggies and turkey to a pot and added the canned tomatoes and tomato paste. Simmered the sauce for an hour and a half. Added chopped fresh basil to it at the end. Cooked the pasta. Then served.

I’ve highlighted some of the really bad hospital food that I’ve had so far, maybe I should also do the opposite and talk about the good food that I’ll attempt to make since it’s one method of keeping my sanity as I really love to cook.

One thing I noticed is that my taste buds are really dull right now. I bought a bag of Cheddar and Sour Cream Ruffles chips and they tasted almost like nothing. The spaghetti sauce that I made also tasted bland even though I put a lot of spices and seasoned it normally. Joanna said they all taste normal and fine to her but to me, I’m not tasting things like they usually are. I think this is very likely due to the chemo side effects affecting my sense of taste.

It was hard to sit down a chop veggies and take breaks because standing and sauteing things just tired me out. Being able to eat the final product was very rewarding though and I’m happy to have made a lot so my family could eat and for us to have leftovers too.

While I like eating out, that’s basically all I’ve been doing the few months I’ve been sick. It’s just really comforting to be able to eat my own food again even though it takes a lot of effort on my part to do so.