Having cancer sucks. Being sick while having cancer like quadruply sucks. Yesterday was not a good mental or physical day for me. I was pushed, prodded, and poked until I yelled for mercy but to no avail.
With my veins still healing from the phlebitis, they had to move elsewhere to get blood samples. Unfortunately that meant the top of my left hand. It really hurt because you have more nerve endings there. Imagine getting poked multiple times in the exact same place throughout the day.
It was supposed to be 100f in Minneapolis as a high. Lucky for us, the AC stopped working just on the 4th floor oncology area so the air temperature started to creep up throughout the day. This plus fluctuating between 98.6-102.8f fever didn’t help. The best they could to do treat the fever was give me tylenol every time that it would spike up.
The doctors also recommended that I stay hydrated as much as possible. They had me hooked up to a saline bag for literally the entire day. Imagine being on a 3ft leash that made you pee every half hour. I literally couldn’t go anywhere without bringing the IV drip with me. They also hooked up the IV to my right arm which hurts when I do normal stuff. It added to the frustration when I wanted to use my phone, type on my computer, eat, or brush my teeth because either I deal with the IV jabbing into my arm or be patient with using my left non-dominant hand.
The initial treatment plan was to treat me for pneumonia so they ran a gambit of tests on me to check on my lung and heart health. First they started with an echocardiogram in the morning. I had to lay on my side as still as possible for 45 min while someone used an ultrasound machine to take pictures of my heart.
A few hours later the doctor ordered another CT scan for me, which meant no eating until 2pm. They wheeled me to the CT area and hooked me up to add dye to my blood so they can make better images of the tumor. The dye burned this time going in. I think this is the 4th time I’ve done a CT scan but when they inject you with the dye, your whole body goes warm, tongue tastes like metal, and you feel like you have to pee your pants. They had me hold my breath in the machine for a few seconds which felt like ages because I was already having shortness of breath.
After the CT scan, I was allowed to have lunch. The menu at this hospital seems like it has a bigger variety of food than at Mayo but I haven’t found anything that’s “good” to eat yet. I ordered a plate of pasta and it was literally the worst pasta I’ve ever had. Penne was soggy, they tossed slightly raw mushrooms and spinach with it, meat was rubbery, and the sauce was bland and just sour. Having to wait several hours for this felt anticlimactic and just made my mood worse since I was so hungry. I miss making my own fresh pasta and pasta sauce that would take hours to simmer topped with fresh basil and parmesan 🙁
After lunch, they took me to get another lung capacity test just like the one I took about 3 1/2 weeks ago. For the first test, I needed to breathe regularly and then inhale quickly then exhale as long as possible. The second test required the chamber door to be closed. With the door closed I needed to pant into the machine which sealed itself up and felt like breathing into a blocked tube. These tests were absolutely exhausting for me because I was physically tired and my lungs just aren’t working.
I don’t have the official results from the test but the technician said that my first test showed that I was at 2.8L out of 4L. The 2nd one I did at Mayo last week was at 1.9L. Today’s was at 1.7L. Of course the capacity isn’t entirely due to the tumor since I have pneumonia.
It was probably 3:30 by the time I made it back to my room. The entire 4th floor was around 83-85f and I was gasping for air. I asked the doctors and nurses that if they’re planning on keeping me for at least a few days, could they move me to the new floor where it was cooler. They said that they would do what they could.
Dad got me some ice cream from the patient freezer but it only helped a little bit.
At this point I was so mentally and physically broken. I hadn’t slept in more than 24 hours. You know that feeling when you doze off and you think that you’ve been asleep for a really long time but it’s only been a few minutes? That was me all this afternoon. My eyes would close and I would be relieved I could sleep but someone would come into the room to schedule additional tests, I would be asked to give more blood, I’d have to pee for the 50th time that day, or I would just wake up 2 minutes later frustrated that it wasn’t longer.
I don’t want to sound like I’m unappreciative of people’s support but being told a combination of these things just made me more frustrated :
- You’re strong, you’ll get through this
- Just get some rest
- Why don’t you change rooms?
- Stay positive
If I didn’t write this blog, no one would know the external and internal struggles that I’m going through. I literally just wanted to bitch and complain about my situation without being given solutions that are out of reach. It’s not like I’m going to order a portable AC unit at Homedepot.com and have them deliver it to my room.
Just getting some sympathy and hearing “That sucks” helps because I feel like I’m being heard and not being told what to do or that I’m not doing enough to resolve my issue. Of course I want to get more rest, but how can I do that if a doctor or nurse walks into my room every 15 min for something from me.
By 4:30, I had a 102 fever, was still having a hard time breathing, ears were ringing really loudly, mouth tasted awful, I wanted to cough but my tumor was giving me agony, and my arms hurt from all the poking.
Finally I got some good news and they had an open room for me on the 5th floor. It was a brand new room and it was huge.
I finally laid down on the cool bed and fell asleep almost immediately. Half an hour later, there was a knock on my door and Dr. Shelver (profile) came in to talk about my test results. He said that they’ve been in contact with Mayo clinic updating them of my status throughout the day. The curious thing about my sickness is that I only started showing symptoms after I got the bleomycin. If I had actual pneumonia, the symptoms would have appeared before I got chemo on Thursday and they would have terminated that plan.
During the day, they were running tests to determine if this was lung toxicity related to the chemo therapy but they’ve almost completely ruled it out. He said that he believes I have pneumonia but not in a traditional sense. Since my tumor has been pushing up against my right lung, he believes that it trapped bacteria in the lung tissue which caused it to grow and infect my body, hence the fevers. I totally called it the other day when I said Derek was looking for reinforcements!
They would like to keep me at the hospital as long as I can go 24 hours without a fever. Probably will stay until Sunday. With a room this nice, I’m not going to complain 🙂
Dr. Shelver promised me no more tests for the day, no more bloodwork, and that I will be left alone until the next day.
After talking with him I finally felt at ease from the tough day that I had and was glad that I was able to end it on a good note.
After Dr. Shelver left, I got a call from Speedy’s vet saying that he’s ready to be picked up. Joanna got him and said that he was really ready to go home. I feel so bad seeing this picture, the poor pup has been through a lot. Cone of shame, 2 IVs and a catheter for 2 days. Too bad he doesn’t know how much I can relate to him.
Dude. What a f@cking time you have had!! Don’t ever worry about coming across as complaining. Man you can complain about everything and it won’t come close to how much most of us would be. You’re amazing and can’t wait to hear how quickly that damn Derek just dies. I think it’s like a space alien movie where it’s fighting and fighting then goes out in a giant firestorm of hell!! (Maybe that’s a bit more than you think but I thought it might bring a laugh.).
M
I think you get to complain, without apologies.
Ya, totally sucks. And ac rocks.
Yes!
I’m sorry that you’ve had a really sucky go at this 🙁 Sounds like you’ve been through the ringer of ringers! I hope tomorrow treats you better.
Andrew,
Thanks for keeping me informed. If you have any questions about chemo…please let me know. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.